FINDING KATE

crimson.

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:24:25 GMT

Loving the styling - everything is extravagant yet a tad raw and filthy.
Liya Kebede in January's Vogue Italia

Photographed by Alexei Hay

unspoken.

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 17:02:33 GMT

Dear _________,
I think of you almost every day, and yet I don't know who you are.
There are possibilities that are endless, I wonder if you are him, or if you are someone else, if you will even show, or when you will show.
I think about how my future with you will be like, and how perhaps I could learn so much from you.
I think of how maybe you'll help me through the worst times, and how I've seen other people have someone just for them, like I will have you.
I think of the future that has yet to be created, the hope that is within that future, and I can't help but anticipate.
I worry that this future with you might never come, that I might never find what i've been seeking,
Then I remind myself, that hope is what gets us through to the next day, and I hope, I continue to hope.
And I continue to seek, I continue looking. I've never met you, I've never met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I've never met you, I've never met someone who's wanted to take care of me.
It's usually me, wanting to take care of everyone else, and me looking out for the people in my life,
And me, feeling inadequate because as time goes on, I worry that you will never appear.

But that, that is something I'd rather not think about.
Because I really want to believe that you, you will show up, & I can write about the endless adventures, and how things have changed.
Believe me, I am living my life, and I'm happy with everything that I have,
I'm happy with all the future possibilities for me, and where I'm heading in my life.
But with you, stepping into my life, that would make it a whole lot better.
To 2010, I hope I'll have someone to hold my hand, to hold me, to walk with me, to be with me. (:
Hope - it's what makes the world move on, hope for the future,
hope for a better future, to be more exact.

decadance.

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 14:11:13 GMT

Loving the idea of decadence, gowns, tulle, sequins - everything on while barefooted, walking through a garden of roses.
I could do that right now, wish I could.

rawr

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:00:29 GMT

My love for leopard, it continues.
Prints, prints, prints.

young.

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 09:07:31 GMT

Unsaid desires.

slowride.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 04:47:07 GMT

The styling takes my breath away - the texture, the pieces.

travel.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 04:39:37 GMT

Back with a serious case of extreme tiredness. Will be back (: x

laceglam.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:29:30 GMT

When in Tokyo, the vuitton bunny comes out to play!

jetset.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 08:56:53 GMT

Can't get enough. The late Daul Kim. Extremely haunting. x

So I'm leaving for Tokyo tonight, and I can't wait to take in the air, and see the city again.
It was a rather good day, considering that I was running around finishing all that I had to do.
Good things come to those who wait, let's hope everything goes as I hope it does!
Take care everyone, and I'll return with a much better outlook to life again - that's what Japan does to me every single time I return to it.
It's a life source - I can feel the wind against me now (: xxx

Mr Wang.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:48:05 GMT

Everyone who knows me knows my undying love for Mr Alexander Wang, ever since he started.
& I must say, the resort collection truly did amplify my love for him, as usual.

Returned from Beijing last evening, leaving for Tokyo tomorrow night after a job interview.
Wish me luck! Hope everyone's doing fine, please send thanks to the Universe for all the love it's showered you!
<3 xxx

twit.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 04:03:00 GMT

Miesel for Vogue Italia, using Twitter as reference - priceless.

Skiiing is fun, being frozen half to death is not.
Sniffing + feeling afraid to go out + cramming for my LSAT on my third last day in Beijing.

beijing

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:54:32 GMT

I'm currently in Beijing, land of amazing crazy drivers, where you don't have to wait for a green man to cross the road, you just do and hope that you're still alive and walking by the time you reach the other end of the road.
My hair and clothes are covered with specks of dust as I return home each day, and I'm promptly pushed at least 20 times a day, especially on the subway. No one lets you off unless you shove your way through, and no one knows the phrase 'Excuse me.'

Other than that, I'm loving the city - I love the weather, I love being chilled to my bones, love feeling my face and hands freeze - this awakens me, reminds me that I'm alive, and that I can feel it all.
I'm enjoying the food - the Peking duck I had last night at Dong's was to die for, amazing and so delectable.
I'm loving spending time with Maisha and Joyce, love the fantastic people I've met, and lovely Joyce was darling enough to get us mega brilliant Korean blueberry cheesecake and celebrate a belated birthday for Maisha & I, with 5 other new friends in tow.
The Great Wall was steep and tiring, yet spectacular, the view was surreal, and tourists were flecked across the long wall.
San Li Tun is an amazing place with bars, the club scene here doesn't seem too bad, and the music could actually beat my dearest Ollie.
The warehouses with cheap apparel is crazy, over and over again you see people trying to pull you in, prices I keep bringing down - I'm apparently a rather good imitator of Chinese/Beijing slang, and so I've been asked if I'm local everytime I successfully and shamelessly bargain.
Have had awesome tofu, beef, lamb and dumplings here.
Went a tad crazy at H&M and I've used up more than half of what I brought here. Not good.
The people aren't shy - they've been staring at Maisha and I every day, we've gotten used to it.
The Lama Temple was huge, and so captivating, so serene. ( Tibetan temple ) The statue of the Buddha was HUGE and kudos to me for burning a HUGE bunch of incense at the front of the temple, only to realize that I should have rationed them for the many many many other altars later on.
We are missing our dearest Nicole, who - due to some terrible planning on all our parts, was unable to come. We love you darling and we miss you! It can't be as fun without you.
I can actually feel the love from my family even though I'm here, and I can't wait to go to Tokyo next! I've got 4 more days to enjoy Beijing (:

I miss you, but most regrettably, I'm sure you don't me.
It's time to gather up the shattered pieces of my heart and hibernate. xx

brokenclock.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:20:07 GMT

The cool marble floor helped, it really did.
She rested her cheek against it, her entire being curled up in a ball upon the silver shine of floor.
Silence filled the room, and the buzz of the radiator could no longer be heard.
This silence, this lack of noise, was overwhelming.
She heard no footsteps, no one changing in the other room, no one frying her those scrambled eggs.
It was as though time had been stolen from her.
It was no longer a day, a week, a year - no longer a continual life - but solely a moment.
She was trapped in the camera's blinding flash, trapped in this moment,
nothing more, but a snapshot, a photograph.
But this was not a photograph she wanted to keep, no, she wanted to move beyond this, this falsified forever that seemed like reality.

"Where are you?"
She whispered, cheek turning cold from the kiss of the marble.
Her wet raven hair fell across her face, but she could feel nothing, not the cold, not the wetness.
Her senses no longer remembered even her own scent, and that terrified her.
Her hair engulfed her, covering her eyes and shielding her from the reality of the moment.

A day before, he'd been here, he'd been in existence.
He'd been right in this very apartment, his heat and warmth filling the rooms, taking up space.
He'd be working at his favorite solid oak desk when she'd pounce on him from behind, dropping kisses upon his cheek, and in return she'd receive a half smile and a tender glance - it was always enough for her.
He'd wake up before nine, just to get the scrambled eggs done right - with parmesan cheese and milk, peppered with love.
Coffee would be right beside her when she awoke, or sometimes she'd do the same for him instead.
Their lives outside the apartment never intertwined, never met. Different worlds, others had said, two souls that would never coincide.
But she knew, he knew, that once within these brick walls, they would have each other again.
It was that very comfort that made each day better, each pleasing day even more excellent.
The fact that when she returned, she'd be embraced by love, by affection - that he'd give his time to her, that he'd be there for her to dote on - that she could do anything she wanted for him, and welcome his love in return.

But now, now all that was left of this life, was the marble floor, and her of course.
It was all that remained, all that survived the duality of human nature, all that had withstood the tragedies of life.
All that had endured past the broken hands of the clock,
desolation.

toomuch.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 02:51:29 GMT

Ok, enough.
Maybe after today, after these three weeks, even if I do send emails, even if I do attempt to reach out,
Maybe it'll all come to an end, maybe this entire section of my life will end,
Because I'll be unable to cross the boundary between both our lives,
Because I'll be someone else, lost between transitions,
While you, you'll remain where you were, in your own kingdom of stars.

I'll lose this, whatever this is, and there'll be no looking back.
Will you miss me?

tragic.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 02:34:05 GMT

It is but the duality of the human nature that makes us tragic - the inner struggle between desire and self restraint, the fight between greed and charity - it is this duality that stops me from moving forward.

31st May 2008

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 14:58:09 GMT

An email sent to myself, dated 31st May 2008, 7:56pm.

breathe. breathe and live. there is a future before you, and no one can take it away from you.
you'll always be alone in the world, so why not get used to it. you'll never find what you truly want, and that need will never be fully satisfied.
salvation will not come - only you can save yourself, and you've been taught that lesson over and over again, but you never ever learn it.
why do you keep turning time & again to other people when all they do is let you down and break your heart.
why do you still love them when time & again they prove that you are not who they love, and that you are worthless in their eyes.
why do you still want their approval when time & again they prove that they are blind and unaware of your presence, your efforts.

why , tell me why.
why do you torture youself so.
why don't you learn to love yourself.
stop being naive. stop returning to your naive, selfless state and learn that for once, you have to love yourself.
why can't i love myself.
why can't anyone love me.
why can't God love me.

why doesn't anyone want me.
can you answer me this.
can you tell me this.
i don't want to be alone anymore.

Taylor on Mars.

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 02:06:25 GMT

Essentially one of my favorites for her deep set eyes - arresting and so so blue, and again, the teeth! and hair!
( Now you know how to get me hooked. )
Don't get me started on how I adore her posing - there's just something in them.
Taylor Warren for Jalouse November 2009, looking mighty fine. Love the styling, so raw and wild.

i-D Winter Jagger

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 01:58:26 GMT

As mentioned previously, i-D Winter 2009 was a fabulous issue, and one of the editorials featured Miss Georgia Jagger by Paolo Reversi.
She is stunning and overwhelmingly beautiful.
Love her teeth, her expressions and the fact that she's not a size 000. Oh and that HAIR!

knitted

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 01:54:34 GMT

So maybe I'm biased because I'm headed to countries currently experiencing Winter, but I love knit wear and lace teamed together, and this set of photos from the Claire Tough lookbook are amazing!

drop it.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:49:03 GMT

As a frequent visitor to Drop Snap, I must say, I love the individuals featured on it.
I always have had deep respect for the Japanese street fashion, which is why I try to return year after year.
The inspiration you get there is amazing.
The first two pictures - when I saw them, my jaws literally dropped.
It just gets better & better, and I'll be there in about 12 days.

xxxx

WILD AMBITIONS

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:59:10 GMT

Click for larger image.

Rick Owens Lilies Skirt . Helmut Lang Lace Top . Vanessa Bruno Metallic Sweater
Balmain Suede Boots . Nina Peter Leather Gloves . Iosseliani Necklace

crimson faith.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 04:38:43 GMT

There are honestly no words to describe this editorial.
It's overwhelming and so thought-provoking.
Linda Evangelista by Pierpalo Ferrari, W Magazine November 2009.

I leave for Beijing in 2 days, MAJOR. xxxx

sing to me.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:41:16 GMT

I wish I could explain how my heart hurts. I wish I could tell you how attached I feel.
I wish, that time wasn't a constraint, I wish I didn't feel like I was leaving you.
I wish I could just detach myself from you, rather than attempt to keep giving.
Somehow or other, I can never stop giving, until there's nothing left of me.
I wish someone would stop me, and explicitly tell me that they'll just take care of me for this period of time.
I've been feeling very vulnerable, and with the end of my life as a student,
I don't know where I'm supposed to head.

& I feel as though what we have, whatever it is,
Will just end, because of this. Because I'm moving away from this bubble we've been existing in.
I wish I could explain how I feel, I wish I could just tell you, and not be hurt by the things you say.
But I can't, and that's the bottom line.

Serenade me with the truth, maybe someone will be able to see through this facade of mine - undisclosed desires.

I know you suffered, but I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied
Soothe me, I'll make you feel pure
Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine
Please me, show me how it's done
Tease me, you are the one

TANYA D.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:42:58 GMT

Need I even reiterate how brilliant this editorial is?
Okay, let's count the ways.

1. Tanya D in her brilliance. Those eyes, those lips, her flawless skin, her expressions. Her blonde hair, magnificent. Those elf like ears? Definite plus point.
2. The makeup - artistic yet not overdone, working in perfect cohesion with Tanya's expressions and face. Extremely worth giving it a shot in Tokyo.
3. Um hi, check out the YSL earring + Tatty Devine rings from shot one, major no? Want to own it, yes?
4. Sonia Rykiel gillet in shot three, plus points for the hood. Looking extremely chic with that laced collar.
5. Fourth shot - THOSE Dominic Jones leather gloves with gold nails, brilliant!

5. Leather glove-like scarf ? Instant plus points. Ann-Sofie Back sunglasses that look like they're dripping blood? Ching Ching Ching! ALL THESE ACCESSORIES - AND HOW THEY'RE USED - MAJOR!
6. Throw in leather, sequins, feathers, lace - whole load of textures, yet looking so simple.

CRAZYMADHOT.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:49:15 GMT

Just purchased the newest copy of i-D magazine, loving Georgia Jagger, Helena Christensen and Abbey Lee.